


Lovilocks and the BFT

by MrsLuigiVargas



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Gen, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-13 03:49:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18932806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsLuigiVargas/pseuds/MrsLuigiVargas
Summary: Lovino wakes up in a tomato field, unsure of where he is. But he spots a small house in the distance…Based on the fairytale Goldilocks and the Three Bears.





	Lovilocks and the BFT

_ Drip. _

_ Drip. _

_ Drip. _

“...What...?”

Lovino lay on his back, staring up at the grey sky in bleary confusion. What was he doing here? He was surrounded by tomato plants, and as he sat up, he saw that they were all in neat lines, framing dirt pathways that stretched out into the distance. Despite his confusion, the sight made Lovino pleasantly surprised; he hasn’t seen this many plants in one field in a long time! It was too bad the tomatoes themselves weren’t ripe yet, though.  _ Although _ , he mused, reaching forward and cupping a hand around one of the pale green fruits,  _ it looks like they’re growing nicely...whoever owns these fields better be taking good care of these! _

_ Drip. Drip. Drip. _

Annoyed, Lovino looked around to glare at whatever was preventing him from enjoying the moment. But then, he suddenly realized: grey clouds as far as the eye can see? Stuff falling from the sky? Humid as fuck? It’s gonna rain.

Shit.

As more and more water droplets began to fall from the sky, Lovino scrambled to his feet. Shit. Fuck. Great. It’s raining and these tomato plants sure as hell aren’t going to keep him from getting wet. What now? Now that he was taller than all the plants. Lovino had a better view, and he was able to spot a small-looking house in the distance.  _ Perfect _ , he thought, running toward it. As he got closer, he saw that the house was more like a cottage, sturdy-looking and made of wood. He briefly considered knocking to ask the owners if he could stay inside to escape the rain, but while circling the house to find the entrance he found that the front door was left ajar, so if they didn't give a shit about their home security, why should he? It wasn't his fucking problem, after all. So Lovino entered the house, and as he closed the door behind him, the light rain behind him strengthened to a downpour. Lovino sighed in relief; that was close! Now...

“Oi! Does anyone live here?”

No response. Lovino didn't remember seeing anyone else out in the fields or around the house, either.

_ What the hell? They left their door open and nobody’s here? _

Standing in the entryway, he couldn't see any shoes or coats around, so maybe the dumbasses just didn't lock up as they left. 

Now that he was out of the rain, there was one last thing Lovino needed to figure out: What the actual  _ hell _ was he  _ wearing _ ? It was like someone took that stupid old dress he used to wear when he was a kid and just...made it bigger. He wouldn’t be caught dead with this in his closet nowadays, so where did this come from, and how soon could he take it off and put on some better, more fashionable clothes instead? Lovino would have continued to be angry about this if not for the fact that his stomach chose that moment to (loudly) complain that it needed food. So, despite still being kinda miffed and confused, more pressing and important matters had been brought to his attention; namely, the fact that he was really fucking hungry.

Moving out of the entryway, Lovino stepped into what seemed to be a modestly sized kitchen. There was the usual: a sink (where Lovino washed some of the dirt off his hands), some cupboards (practically empty, aside from the junk food that Lovino refused to acknowledge), a refrigerator (more unhealthy garbage), and so on and so forth, but there was also a table nearby, surrounded by a wall and three rickety-looking chairs.

There looked to be food on that table though, so Lovino crept closer. There were two bowls and a plate. The first bowl had...Lovino curled his lips up in disgust. Wurst. Gross. He turned to the plate next to it, and he scowled deeper. What the heck are those, snails?! Lovino, upset that he had even  _ seen _ such a thing, almost immediately overturned the bowl of wurst overtop the plate of snails, obscuring them both from view. The last bowl was a bowl of tomatoes.  _ Finally _ ,  _ some good fucking food _ , he thought, grabbing a few and stuffing them into his apron pockets (did his old apron have pockets? Hell if he remembered.).

Munching on one of his stolen treasures. Lovino decided to explore the house a bit further. Wandering into the next room, he came across an office with three desks spread around the room. Feeling nosy, Lovino approached one of the desks to snoop.

The first desk was the neatest of the three: papers stacked neatly by the edge, photos collected in the back corner, and laptop sitting closed in the center of it all (a black and white sticker stared back up at him when he peered over it). There was shelving above the desk, filled with a row of books. Lovino took one down to read, but quickly put it back because it was just about boring military strategies or whatever. As if you needed anything more than a decent retreat plan. Tch.

While the first desk was a simple, standard wooden desk, the desk nearest to it was covered in decorative wooden carvings and shone with polish. The papers were a bit more scattered, and the desktop monitor blinked at him as he rifled through the papers, leaving a bigger mess than before.  Like with the other desk, there was also a shelf of books (and pictures!) above the desk, so Lovino picked a book out at random, lazily opening it to a random page and - nope. Nope. Nonono, there's no way he’s dealing with this right now, what the fuck-

Face burning, Lovino forcefully shut the book and slammed it back onto the shelf with perhaps more force than necessary, considering that he managed to bring the shelf down entirely. Lovino glared at the paperwork scattering onto the floor. He would have felt a little bad about ruining someone else’s desk space, but considering what his eyeballs were just exposed to, he felt that it was a fair trade.

Desperate for something to erase everything that’s happened within the past minute, Lovino turned to the final desk in the room. Unlike the others, this one didn't really look like a desk where someone did actual work. Yeah, there was a computer and some paperwork, but most of the desk’s surface was covered in wooden knick-knacks and paper rose petals, and there was a guitar leaning against the side of the chair. What really caught Lovino’s eye though, were the framed photos that cluttered the bookshelf and were scattered around the edges of the desk. Looking closer, he could see every single photo had him in it in some way.  _ What the hell..., _ he thought, unnerved.  _ Does this guy not have anything better to do?  _  Although, he did feel a bit pleased that someone thought him good enough to take a million pictures of him. They could have just asked instead of stalking him though. He wasn't even showing his best side in most of these! He huffed in annoyance, grabbing one of the pictures and glaring at it. When was this picture even taken? It looked familiar, but...Lovino shook his head. He’d figure it out later; it was almost time for a siesta and he was exhausted. He carefully placed the photo back on the shelf and decided to explore the house further.

The final room that Lovino entered was a decently-sized bedroom with three beds, side by side. Bed numero uno was boring. Boring beige sheets, boring beige pillows, boringly impeccably neatly made, and also a yellow plush thing that Lovino was suddenly too tired to give a shit about. He shuffled past the second bed (red velvet bedding, smelled weird,  _ were those rose petals scattered all over _ ?) and barely remembered to take his tomato-filled apron off before collapsing onto the third bed. Worming his way under the (tomato-print) sheets, Lovino sighed in content, closed his eyes, and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

“...sesesesesese~!”   
“...honhonhon...”   
“Shhhhh! You’ll wake him up!”

_ Too late, jackass. _ Lovino groaned, rolling over and covering his head with a nearby pillow. The chatter stopped. Lovino was just about to relax and go back to sleep when the pillow abruptly disappeared.

“What the hell?” Lovino sat up, ready to cuss out the offender for interrupting his nap, but...”Wait, what the hell are you fuckers doing here!?”

Gilbert spread his arms out wide. “We live here!”

“Bullshit! Since when?!”

“Aww~ he’s so cute~ he looks like a tomato~”

“Shut up!” Lovino’s scowled and glared at Antonio. Cute? As if! (His rapidly reddening face didn't really help his case, though)

Undeterred, Antonio stepped toward him. “Hey, hey, you should stay for dinner! We’d love to have you over!”

“Hell no.”

“Por favor~! I made paella~!” He singsonged, smiling wide.

Francis leaned in. “Ah, maybe we shouldn’t have him over? He did make quite the mess downstairs...”

Antonio pouted. “Of course we should! He didn't mean that; it was just an accident, sí?”

“No.”

Francis gasped. Gilbert cackled louder.

“But seriously,” Lovino said, sliding out of bed, “Why the hell are you here?”

“I told you, we’re living here! It’s my kickass cottage retreat, isn't it awesome?”

Lovino scoffed. “More like awesomely shitty.” While Gilbert screamed in mock outrage, Lovino turned towards the door. “Right. So, I’m leaving now, capisce? Capisce.”

“Not so fast!” A Wild Francis appeared to block Lovino’s way! “Don't think you’ll be able to get out of this that easily! You ruined my workspace! It’s going to take ages to clean up! And I was looking forward to my lunch, but you had go and mess that up for me too, and - where are you going?!”

Lovino glanced back at Francis with a bored expression. “I told you, I’m leaving,” he said, before hopping out of the open window. The mud below cushioned his fall, so he managed to land on his feet while only narrowly avoiding falling into a nearby mud puddle.

“Hey, are...are you okay?” he heard Gilbert call. Without turning around, Lovino raised them the finger. Luckily, the rain had stopped, so Lovino wouldn't get too wet as he went to find his way home. 

The sounds of struggling soon reached Lovino’s ears, though, and he turned to the sight of Antonio hanging halfway out the window, with his friends trying to tug him back in. “Lovi~,” he pouted, ignoring the others’ pleas for him to get back inside and use the door _like a_ _normal person,_ “Are you really leaving?”

God, this was weird. Lovino wanted out. He started running down the path, away from the house.

“Nooooo! Lovi!!!” Antonio cried.

“Fuck off!” Lovino yelled back, dashing through the almost endless tomato fields, the house fading away behind him as he ran into the setting sun.

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to write a little postlude/epilogue thing, but this story has been a WIP since 2012 so at this point I might as well post what I've actually finished (even if it's not properly proofread…).
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
